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In this week’s column, our expert is here to offer some sage advice on navigating friendships after becoming a parent, deciphering mixed signals in relationships, and finding love in your 40s. Keep reading to find out what our readers are struggling with and Em’s insightful guidance.
OK, let me start by saying that if you’re feeling confused, you’re not alone. It seems like he’s just as lost as you are. Now, that’s not an excuse for his behavior, but it does provide some insight. It’s clear that he has some personal issues to work through, and it’s commendable that he’s seeking counseling. It’s also encouraging that he’s had a change of heart about marriage and feels ready for it now.
However, I completely understand why you’re hesitant to jump back into things without a proper explanation. You deserve to know what went wrong the first time and what has changed this time around. He owes you a thorough explanation, and I believe it’s crucial for both of you to attend therapy together. Counseling has helped him make sense of his own thoughts, and with the guidance of a professional, he may be able to articulate them to you as well.
I don’t know much about this man besides what you’ve shared, but based on that, I sense that he may not be thrilled about the idea of therapy. However, it’s essential for him to understand how much he hurt you in the past and how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who can’t communicate their feelings clearly. Before considering marrying him again, he must be able to explain what happened before and assure you that it won’t happen again.
Now, I’m no expert on your specific situation, but I do recall a scene from the Sex And The City movie where Big left Carrie at the altar, only for them to find their way back to each other by the end. So, there is hope for your relationship and even your marriage. However, you need answers, apologies, and reassurances. You deserve to hear why things went wrong, sincere apologies, and a promise that he won’t repeat his mistakes. Best of luck to you! xxxx
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with dating and feeling disrespected by people you’ve met online. I won’t just tell you the cliché that love will come when you least expect it, but I do hope that it happens for you. You deserve a love that sweeps you off your feet and makes you feel valued.
I understand that your desire for a partner is closely tied to your desire to have a baby. It may not be easy to suggest uprooting yourself for fostering or adoption, but I encourage you to take steps towards making this dream a reality for yourself.
It can be exhausting to constantly advocate for your own happiness and not have someone to share the burden with. However, focusing on your own life, happiness, dreams, and aspirations is a proactive step you can take. You are not incomplete without a partner. You are a whole and amazing person on your own, and it’s important to remind yourself of that.
Consider sitting down with a therapist to work through your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, our thoughts can become overwhelming and tangled, and having someone who understands them can help provide clarity.
Explore alternative ways of having children, and consider looking for qualities in men that you may not have considered before. Take the time to fill your own cup and prioritize self-care. Therapy has been incredibly beneficial for me, and I believe it could help you too. Sending lots of love your way.
No, you’re not being awful and selfish; it’s absolutely heartbreaking when this happens. I was among the first of my friends to have a baby, and I think that puts you in a place that’s both incredibly special, and really tough.
Your baby is a total novelty, and so are you. Suddenly, you’re a mom, and that’s crazy and amazing and completely incomprehensible for those who haven’t experienced it yet. Until they’ve lived the logistics, the sleep deprivation, the pain, the guilt, the load, the love, the anxiety, the intensity, they can’t possibly understand the magnitude of what you have gone through.
And so really, your friends are just being who they’ve always been, and while it sounds like you’re still being an amazing friend to them, in many ways that’s as easy as it ever was, given that they aren’t the ones who’ve changed.
You have though, in countless ways that they may not truly grasp, and you do need to give them some understanding for not knowing how to reciprocate. I know it’s agonizing to pretend you’re not shattered so that you can be there for your friends in the way they’ve come to expect; so that you can prove to them that you’re still the same person; so they don’t give up on you.
Want to ask Em Clarkson a question? Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems. Well, sort of. As While she stresses she’s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary. With over 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in No topic is off limits. So if you’ve a question for her agony aunt series, email [email protected].
I know the heartache of biting your tongue because you think they’re bored, or holding back the tears because you’re not sure they’ll understand. I promise you, I get it, but I give you this advice because I think it’s the only way that you will get through this time with your friendships intact.
You need to find peace within this, which is hard because it’s disappointing and painful and impossible not to take it personally and be really hurt by their seeming lack of interest or empathy.
But for whatever reason, these people do not have the capacity to be what you need right now. And rather than fighting that, and them, try to accept it. Accept them. They’re not your village.
They may be one day; they may change as you have and find you in your new life. Or in time, as your world shifts on its axis yet again, as your kids grow and priorities change, you may find your way back to the version of yourself that was more closely aligned with them. I don’t know.
FORGIVE AND FOCUS: Fill Your Baby’s Life with Love
In the world of parenting, holding onto grudges is a toxic path. It’s like drinking poison and hoping someone else will suffer. But let’s face it, that’s not what you need right now. Instead, let go of the resentment and shift your attention to the people who truly matter in your baby’s life. Surround them with an abundance of love and positivity.
The journey of parenthood can be challenging, and it’s easy to get caught up in negative emotions. However, it’s crucial to remember that dwelling on what others don’t know or understand won’t benefit anyone. Rather than wasting energy on resentment, channel it towards creating a nurturing environment for your little one.
Your baby’s life should be filled to the brim with love and happiness. Embrace the joy that comes with nurturing and caring for your child. Focus on the positive influences around you, and let go of any lingering negativity. By doing so, you’ll create a harmonious and loving atmosphere for your baby to thrive in.
Remember, forgiveness is not about excusing someone’s actions or condoning their behavior. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. Choose to forgive those who may have caused you pain, and redirect your energy towards building a loving and supportive network for your baby.
In conclusion, let go of resentment and embrace forgiveness. Surround your baby with the love and care they deserve. By doing so, you’ll create a nurturing environment that will positively impact their growth and development. Focus on what truly matters and leave behind any negativity. Your baby’s happiness and well-being should be your ultimate priority.
